P/S: If you don’t have ‘history’ in your life that you are not proud of? Well, this post is not for you. 

Nota di atas berbaur sengal. Well, if you don’t have one, you’ll end up being a judge about a situation which you are never in to. A situation which you can never relate to it. You never will.

be curious not judgemental

Aku pernah menulis berkenaan The Ugly Truth dalam previous post aku. There I mentioned about the acceptance of the ugly truth. Can we honestly accept the truth when it is too ugly? People said truth hurts. True, only when the truth is ugly. It hurts so bad that some of them find difficulties in keeping the ‘ugly truth’ of themselves. Don’t tell someone to be honest or even worst by telling that person that you’re gotta be there for them but at the same time, you are being judgmental about others. Everyone makes mistakes. But it’s up to them to choose what kind of person they want to be today for the sake of their future. Well, at least that’s what they said.

So, how many of us can accept someone’s mistake or dark history? How many of us can truly acknowledge someone’s apology and guilt? And accept it for the betterment of that person. How many of us choose not to give up when the person still making the same mistake with the believe of hope. Believe that everyone can change. Believe that God never give up on us. Believe that there is goodness in all mankind. Because sometimes human make the same mistakes out of their own control or stupidity. But people, let them free to choose. Even if it means letting them making the same mistake again. Because maybe, just maybe they have to go through the same journey in able to learn the lesson well. Even God keep testing us for the same trials when we keep failing for the same trials. Don’t you see? We’re walking on a different journey but with the same destination. The betterment. Don’t try to fix them when they’re not ready. Don’t try to pick up the pieces behind their back. Just love them.

After the process of healing, you know what’s the worst thing that will happen? When you are fully healed, people went digging up your ‘history’ and make it a live show! As if you’re still doing that same fucked up mistakes. Seriously people, don’t be the person that causes those ‘sinner’ to be sin again. If you can’t accept their repentance. It’s totally fine. But to go dig and put it into a live show? That is the cruelest thing. That is judgmental! It’s because these kind of attitude that makes those sinner keep sinning again. Because nobody will believe and support their change to become better. Change takes time. Nobody knows how long it will take. Just never give up on human. And for God sake, never judge someone without knowing the whole story. You may think you understand, but you don’t! Counting other people’s sin doesn’t make you a Saint.

When someone is in this kind of situation, everyone will rush into the scene of #savingher. And these I said in my post of Kekuatan. It’s comforting to know that we are not alone and we have those loved ones. But please read my last paragraph in that post – be there only when needed because time and spaces will heal. 

Time and space are two crucial things in healing and especially in finding back yourself, the inner strength within. That strength that we struggle everyday by saying “get it together babe! Everyone feels like this sometimes. Don’t give in! Grow up!“. That comforting line that makes us tell everyone that “I’m fine” and we threw a big smile and crack tons of jokes just to hide the fucked up mess within us.

Time and space – give the person time and space to be alone. To be sad. To cry. To reflect, to heal and the most important thing – to decide their own journey. Even if it takes too long, years and years, give it to them still. Because they are entitled for it. Because by giving these to them means letting the process taking place in its own time and space. Sometimes, they make the same fucking mistakes during the journey of healing. And hell no, they are not repeating it for another time purposely. Maybe they’re just trying to figure a way out of it but still end up at the same road. But then again, let them take that journey. Either the journey has been taken or not, let them walk that journey. Some people learn about their mistakes through the journey life. Some just merely through the theories of life.

If you think it takes a long time for them to heal, let me tell you this – nobody wants to be in the same shit hole for long. Nobody. Period. But in some situation, you just have to let the person find their own way back home. What can you do? Be there only when needed. And yes, you will only be called when they trust you. Don’t ruin that trust. 

Final note: It’s okay to judge us. But remember to be perfect for the rest of your life. Peace out!


You’re Gonna Be Okay

P/S: For those who need this.


I know it’s all you’ve got to just be strong

and it’s a fight just to keep it together

I know you think that you are too far gone

But hope is never lost


I know your heart is heavy from those night

But just remember that you are a fighter

You never know just what tomorrow holds

And you’re stronger than you know


Hold on, don’t let go

Just take one step closer

Put one foot in front of the other

You’ll get through this

Just follow the light in the darkness

You’re gonna be okay


People With Good Hearts



Here’s the thing about people with good hearts. They give you excuses when you don’t explain yourself. They accept apologies you don’t give. They see the best in you when you don’t need them to. At your worst, they lift you up, even if it means putting their priorities aside. The word “busy” never exist in their dictionary. They make time, even when you don’t. And you wonder why they’re the most sensitive people. You wonder why they’re the most caring people. You wonder why they are willing to give so much of themselves with no expectation in return. You wonder why their existence is not so essential to your well-being. It’s because they don’t make you work hard for the attention they give you. They accept the love they think they’ve earned and you accepted the love you think you’re entitled to.

Let me tell you something. Fear the day when a good heart gives up on you. Our skies don’t become grey out of no where. Our sunshine does not allow the darkness to take over for no reason. A heart does not turn cold unless it’s been treated with coldness for a while.


Happy Birthday Popo!!

Aku kenal dia sejak tahun 2010, waktu aku first posting di sekolah tempat aku mengajar sekarang. Dia kawan kepada kakak aku, Juli. Tapi waktu tu aku tak kawan sangat dia sebab dia pernah kerek dengan aku. Time tu aku kena ambil tandatangan semua guru di sekolah (ni salah satu assignment guru baru, it’s like ice-breaking with the teachers in school la). Waktu aku nak ambil tandatangan dia, dia jawab “I’m busy now”, terus jalan tinggalkan aku. Monolog dalaman ku? Kumpao nya. Bila Juli informed aku yang dia ada kawan di sekolah aku bekerja, aku jawab “dia tu? kumpao ya. minta tandatangan ja pun kerek. Pengetua sibuk pun sempat lagi stop sign for me kot”. So akhirnya dia adalah guru terakhir yang sign for me. I don’t remember how I get her signature. Moment tak penting kot. haha.

We were just colleague until on the 2011, kami ditugaskan (dengan berat hati) untuk menghadiri kursus guru-guru Kristian di Kota Kinabalu. Tempat tinggal yang disediakan adalah dorm. (ini bukan tugas rasmi, so no fancy place to stay). First question kami tanya ialah, how are we going to sneak out at night if we stay in the dorm? Sure semua orang tahu kita keluar huha. Kami nak privasi. So I called the church and told a lie. The reward of a lie is sweet. Me, popo and grace (team dari sekolah kami) get to stay in a fancy apartment of 3 bedrooms, fully furnished. Just the three of us. So popo asked me how can we get an apartment (actually tu tempat tinggal bagi para paderi dari luar) and yet everyone stayed in the dorm? I told her the lie. I told the organizer that my colleague has this sleeping disorder so she couldn’t stay in a dorm where many people were in. So yea, they gave us an apartment. It’s sweet lie. Popo laughed out loud even though people thought she’s ‘sick’. And that’s how our friendship started.

Seperti sahabat-sahabat sejati aku yang lain, popo juga merupakan “sahabat terpilih” aku. Orang luar nampak dia adalah orang yang pegang pada prinsip ‘hitam adalah hitam, putih adalah putih’, tegas and hard to communicate. But only few knows that she accepts and embrace the line in between black and white, hatinya ada theme park, she talks alot (seriously, more than me, half of the time) and many many more. She only shows that side of her to a few and I’m glad she shared that and all sides of her to me.

I never write about her because the spaces aren’t enough for me to write everything that she has done for me and even my family. You know there are friends, there is family. Then there are friends that become family. She is family. Happy Birthday!








Shower Machine

I was on the phone with Matt tadi chatting about all sort of things. We ended our conversation saying we gotta go because we haven’t took our shower. And that reminds me of our conversation back in campus life. The scene was me after back from work late at night. (aku buat part-time job during my study. Al-maklum, me bukan dari keluarga berada, aku duk jauh study, kalau takde duit, aku tak mampu call back home minta mak bapak kirim duit. Choosing to study in West Malaysia is my decision, so kena sendiri pandai survive la)


AkuTinaLah: Babe, malas nya nak mandi.. Kan bagus kalau ada machine yang boleh mandikan aku. 

Mattlessa The Great: Pergi blok sebelah.

AkuTinaLah: Engkau genius.




Hostel aku cuma ada dua blok, blok perempuan dan blok lelaki. 😉

Matthlessa The Great

Bila aku tidak letak gambar muka sendiri di Whatsapp, dia akan kutuk aku insecure, dah hodoh. Sebab tu tak nak tayang muka. Bila aku tak update gambar di Facebook, dia tag team dengan Aswar kutuk aku low self esteem. Dah hodoh. 

Today, she texted me this.

Kalau aku tak tayang muka, dia cakap aku insecure sebab dah hodoh. Kalau dia tak tayang muka, dia cakap dia insecure sebab naif. 

Kalau jadi kat aku, semua yang buruk. Kalau jadi kat orang, keburukan itu terjadi atas sebab musabab yang munasabah. 

Anyways, congratulations babe. I am proud to have a bff/family yang gelar Saintis. You finally graduate your master in pharmaceutical field after 4 years of research in Universiti Sains Malaysia.

P/S: Kalau Nak tengok muka naif aku bersama beliau, sila klik Matthlessa The Great